Valentine’s Day is wrapping up and we’re getting ready to roll into a new day. I’ve sat and thought all day about how easy it is to love someone on Valentines. Specifically, I thought about how this day affects those in relationships. Although this post may sound like it leans more towards those in relationships, I believe it also speaks a lot to singles seeking a relationship.
It’s my first married Valentines. I loved Valentines even as a single person, being married now is a bonus! I woke up excited to have my husband to celebrate the day with, it was so easy to express my love for him today. It’s even easier to show love, stores will even help you do this! Like every year, they are filled with flowers and chocolates eager to sell to customers looking for a romantic gift to present to their sweetheart. It’s expected, it’s routine, it’s what people do on this once-a-year holiday of love. And with days like Galantines and the promotion of self-love, even singles have the opportunity to celebrate.
For a lot of people, it was an easy day to express actions of love by sending flowers, displaying photos and messages of love on social media, and proclaiming out love from the rooftops. Most of us did this today because it’s Valentine’s, of course! It’s an expected routing year after year. But how easy is it to love that same person, in the same way, on every other day? I’m talking about when the hype of Valentines is over, or when the fight you had last week is brought back up again, or when your significant other isn’t meeting your expectations or needs, or even when you are upset and grumpy?
I’ll even take this thought a step further and ask how easy is it to love that same person, in the same way, when you’ve been hurt? When they’ve hurt you? Or maybe on a day that has reminded you of your pain? Perhaps it’s a deep scarring hurt, maybe your significant other has cheated or lied to you, or made you feel unloved and unwanted. Maybe there are marital struggles and hardships that are causing feelings of defeat and anguish. How easy is it then to love that person?
Love isn’t easy, and anyone who argues with that isn’t living realistically. Love is not a fairytale feeling that makes every day a Valentine’s Day. Loving someone is one of the hardest and most sacrificial things you can do. If it’s not, you may want to reexamine your relationship.
I often hear the saying “loving you is so easy” a lot, especially today (I’ve been guilty saying this as well), but love is only that easy when it is truly unconditional and without expectations that benefit ourselves. And it’s not even in the context of easy that most people tend to think – it BECOMES easier the more it is practiced. It’s the type that is true and without conditions or selfish intent, and can say “loving you is so easy” even on the bad days.
Love is a choice. It’s a decision you make to say “I love you” as much as I love you on Valentines, every day. Even if you’ve screwed up, even if you’ve hurt me, even if you have betrayed me – I still love you. Because love forgives. It’s not enabling bad behavior and it’s not a sign that you are weak. It’s a sign of a strong, unwavering, and steadfast character. That is the REAL, Valentines-every-day, type of love.
This is a rare type of love. It’s one we need to see and practice more often. You won’t see it displayed on social media or behind the smiling faces of perfect couples You’ll see it in the person loving on the sidelines of life, through grief and trauma, hard times, through forgiving each other, through doing life together – the good and the bad.
Once you have found this type of love in someone, it becomes easier to practice. But more importantly, once YOU practice this type of love falling out of love is impossible.
Please keep in mind that this blog is based on my thoughts & opinions, I am not a professional therapist or relationship expert.